Squinting between the sun and horizon, a tumble weed scurries past my blistered feet. My throat aches from dehydration as I swallow the salty taste of the blood from my busted lip. Ever since I stepped foot in this godforsaken, wasteland, I’ve lost track of the days, alone so long that my tears have dried against my blackened skin. It’s a miracle I haven’t gone blind from wandering through the midday sun like a car with a broken GPS, past the dunes of sand and sparse wild flowers that give color to the homogenous setting. Although most of my hope is all but gone, there’s still a part of me that believes there’s an oasis ahead. Perhaps, my days as a restless nomad are almost over, and I’ll find a place to rest. A place I can call home.
This may sound like a rant and maybe it is. I want to talk about being an introvert. What’s it’s like to prefer your own company or the select company of few. Most human interactions are physically draining. It takes a lot of energy to interact with people at a party or engage coworkers, and classmates with small talk. Sadly, I’m sure some view me as rude because I rush through those basic interactions.
Even social media is draining. I have most of the common mediums, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, WordPress and so on. But I rarely interact with anyone on there. Not because I’m not appreciative of a positive comment. Trust me, kind words always bring a warm smile to my face. To show my gratitude I thumbs up a nice comment rather than reply. Saying thank you becomes mundane. When I encounter naysayers, I’m not running because I don’t reply, I just rarely engage them because it takes so much out of me. The same goes for the simple, direct messages and inboxes from old classmates and strangers that say hi. After a while, they stop getting an answer from me because of how draining it is to keep the conversation going especially when all they want to discuss are social things. It’s easy to run out of things to talk about. Sometimes I watch people tweet and post status updates all day about their social lives and interact with everyone online. I wonder to myself like I do with people who flop around grabbing energy from a room of people. How can this person enjoy such a thing? When it’s complete torture for me and I need time to recharge.
Overthinking what to say instead of letting what comes natural flow from my lips or onto the keyboard is another huge problem I face. I’m always filtering my words and expression.
Everyone is different the extrovert, ambivert and introvert. None of the three are better than the other. I used to wish I was more charming like my extrovert counterparts. That I loved the company of many and it energized me rather than drained me. More balanced like an ambivert. But I wasn’t wired that way. I was designed to enjoy tranquility, alone time to let my creativity grow, and have intellectual conversations with few. I’ve learned to embrace my quiet nature